Thursday, July 31, 2008

Competition Among (Women) Friends

I would like to talk about an issue that happens with every single woman out there. There is no denying that it happens, and its constant. I can go out on a limb here and say it happens to every single woman because whether you feel it or someone feels it against you, its out there (and I can even bet that it usually goes both ways)....

Competition amongst us.

Bigger or nicer homes, better jobs, comparison between children (or if you don't have children, wanting them), greater husbands, nicer looking bodies, nicer cars, cooler clothes and accessories, greater haircuts, more money, more stuff, even petty silly things like nicer bigger more read cooler blogs, better more greater nicer bigger whatever anything.

It doesn't matter WHAT the age, from little girls to little old ladies, there is competition amongst us. "I want that Barbie, she has so many, I only have two" or "Everyone always wants to hang out with her, what about me? I live alone too." Yes, even when you are old and gray it happens. There is no stopping it.

And its a disease...spreading around, preventing us to grow stronger and more secure with ourselves as women.

"She always gets everything she wants." "She always looks like she doesn't even have to try." "It all just comes so easily to her in life" "She has a nicer body, I can never look like that" "Why does her house always look like..." "Gosh, I wish I could...."

It is horrible! Keeping up with the Jones' is an understatement. Its a feeling of inadequacy. You feel inferior because you don't measure up. It starts to make you feel resentful, angry, bitter, and also results in wallowing in your own self pity. "No one likes me" "I have no friends" "I am so alone" "I feel so ugly all of the time" "No matter what I do, I can't be me, everyone else is the same way, I want to be different"

But guess what! YOU ARE DIFFERENT! We are ALL different! And we are all beautiful!

Its easier said than done, but think about it. When you get into the rut of comparing and competing, you lose who you really are. The qualities that we all have, that should compliment one another, strengthen our friendships, uplift our lives are instead ruining us. Its tearing us apart, putting us against one another.

Let's stop the cycle. Is it easy for me to sit here and say this? No. I am horrible with this. I get down on myself all. of. the. time. I couldn't sit here and count how many times I have cried to my mom, my husband, my friends, myself, to my God. I just want it to go away.

No one has it easy, no matter how much it seems like it. There is so much going on in my own life right now that isn't apparent to ANYONE, no matter how much they think they know me. And it goes the same for anyone. We all have different lives. We all hurt.

No one is better than someone else. No one is a better wife, mother or friend unless they are more focused on what is wrong with themselves, then they are hurting their family and selves.. Focus on yourself. Give what you can to your relationships. If someone does it a different way, good for them!

Don't judge. Don't compare. Don't belittle people's lives or feelings. We all get our feelings hurt. And when someone acts ugly out of jealousy, it really hurts. It hurts relationships, minds, lives. And you know that beauty everyone has? When jealousy comes out, the beauty goes away.

My husband always tells me that I am prettiest woman in the world when I smile, but when I am angry...... What he says makes me laugh, but its true. Think about someone you know and admire. Are they kind? Do they have a good heart? Do you think they are pretty? Or is it what's on the outside that you admire? Think about if that person you admire so much because of their "stuff" .... Stuff means nothing.

Proverbs 31:30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.

Focus on what is on the inside. That's what matters. Figure out who you are on the inside, and nothing on the outside will be worth fighting about anymore. Love each other. Support and uplift each other. Let's not tear down and separate. Pin It

8 comments:

Diana said...

AMEN!!

kim hesson said...

very well put rebecca! :)

devonaz said...

Very Nice,,,and the world would be alot nicer place to live to...ditto what diana and kim said...

Melissa said...

Thanks for being there for me. :)

Michelle Devine said...

Thanks Rebecca, I needed that.

Julie said...

Wow. I wish all the ladies out there thought like that. So true. Thx a bunch for putting it out there - what alot of us women feel on the inside. It's just not a subject girls talk about when we get together.

Maija said...

Very well said, Rebecca! I'm sorry if someone has hurt you-blogging is wonderful, but it does make us vulnerable.
Sherry sent me over!
Maija

Anonymous said...

Fantastic post! I'd also like to add that when women compete for male attention, it just rewinds everything we've done for sexual equality, by competing for male attention we are putting ourselves back below the men as they are the judges and therefore back in the seat of power. They therefore have control again over how great or bad women feel about themselves. Aren't we meant to be liberated of that?!

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